You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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