1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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