i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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