In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
