and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
