I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
