apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
