I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
