The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Randomize
