my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
