She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
