We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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