Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
