You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
