On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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