on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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