Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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