In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
