I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
