you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
