Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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