I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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