forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize