after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
