True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
