Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
