i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
