And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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