hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Drunk is a universal language darling
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