my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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