I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
