Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize
