he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
