I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
