told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
