I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
