My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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