Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
