I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i think i have two assholes
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
