The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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