heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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