There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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