We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
