We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
