so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My dick has a subreddit
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
