I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you traded sex for a burrito?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize