But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
