If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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