My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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