So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
