I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
