I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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