bring money and cleavage
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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