Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
