He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
