I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The air was thick with penises
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
