I must be too annoying 4 u.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize