i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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