ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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