I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
