Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
