You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
