I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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