I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
