guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
