Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
