my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All I want is dick and wine.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize