I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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