He kissed a someone with a penis
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
