I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize