You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
