And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
