yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
