the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
