on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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