He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
