When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
