If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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