Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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