Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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