We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
