Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
