She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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