Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
