come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
