Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
