I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
