if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
