When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
