note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
