Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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