shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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