If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
