she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize