On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
