Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
