i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
