I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
