Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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