So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
