Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
