Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
