Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
