Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
