I think I am morally bankrupt
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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