dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
4 words: hood of his car
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
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