So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
