got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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